


a lifeboat floating in the sea

by oso_peanutbutter



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe—Soulmates, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, Minor Character Death-mention, Slight Character Study, Some Creative Licensing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 06:51:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21503671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oso_peanutbutter/pseuds/oso_peanutbutter
Summary: its the anniversary of his mother’s death, and the memories wont stop haunting.kaoru learns its okay to lean on other people for once.
Relationships: Anzu/Hakaze Kaoru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	a lifeboat floating in the sea

**Author's Note:**

> for @lazyhaze2 who wanted anzu comforting kaoru after having a nightmare thank you very much~
> 
> title taken from nano’s bluejay

_He dreams of a young woman donning a sundress in the midst of August as she held his hand—his much smaller than hers—while crossing a field. She keeps the other one on her hat to keep the wind from flying off with it. He looks up having to strain his neck to see her face. He wishes he was taller—tall enough to shield the wind from knocking her hat off._

_Tall enough to shield her from knocking down._

“ _Mama, where are we going?”_

_She looks at him with a smile on her face that hardly compares to the dim light in her eyes._

“ _Somewhere far away, Kaoru-chan.”_

Kaoru bolts awake with a start, not knowingly disturbing his sleeping partner. He sits up clutching his nightshirt not paying attention to the lines of sweat dripping down his forehead and back. It takes a moment for his breathing to settle as his heart races on, trying to run away from the terrors that haunt him. He rubs his eyes and slicks his hair back, unsticking it from his face hoping these little ministrations would dispel the images flashing through his mind. He doesn’t notice Anzu sitting up and turned towards him unsure of what to do.

“Kaoru-san?” Anzu whispers uncertain if she should say anything or let the silence blanket over them again.

Kaoru takes a moment to register her voice. He closes his eyes to push the panic back, swallowing it down in bravado before answering, “I’m fine. No sense worrying a cute girl like you, Dandelion-chan.”

The old nickname slips out faster than he can catch it. He only really uses it these days when he doesn’t want comforting—when he wants distance. It catches her off guard but maintains the distance between them. She places her hand on the mattress not far from his as if to say she’s here if needed.

He wipes the remaining sweat from his face with his t-shirt and then gets up from the bed to get a change of clothes. He eyes the time—4:41 AM—and figures he might as well start his morning routine.

“Sorry, love, but I’m not going back to bed anytime soon. Why don’t you catch some more beauty sleep until your alarm goes off?” He winks and leaves it at that, taking a change of clothes with him to the bathroom to shower. He turns the faucet all the way up hoping to sear his dreams away.

Anzu stares at the closed bathroom door and the soul mark on her wrist. She was certain she felt immense grief emitting from Kaoru, but his denial is causing her to doubt herself. She chalks it up to him trying to be tough and decides to wait until he comes to her on his own terms. For now, she can just be by his side.

* * *

He arrives to school with his bag slung over his shoulder and matching ones under his eyes. A group of his regular fans approach him as usual, but he just smiles and says pretty parting words before walking away. He’s not sure why he decided to come but chalks it up to routine. He already knows that Anzu is worried but snuffs it out of his mind—he’s got enough on his plate without having to worry her.

The soulmate mark on his wrist glows indicting such—he tugs his sleeve down and continues walking towards his classroom. Walking down the halls, he passes by the open nurse’s office catching a glimpse of the pristine white beds with their equally pristine sheets. The phantom smell of anesthetic haunts his lungs so he turns his direction to usual spot. He doesn’t have the energy for class anyways.

He lies down on his usual bench on the rooftop away from wandering eyes to catch some sleep. He can already tell this wasn’t going to be one of his good days so skipping class was the right thing to do. He lays one arm under his head and another over his eyes—his soul mark dimming in his sight so he tugs his sleeve down, not wanting to look at it.

He closes his eyes and lets himself succumb to his drowsiness. Flashes of images pass by in his mind, none settling into his conscious. He prefers it that way, it makes nights easier to sleep through.

The images continue to flutter around but start to focus on a specific ones, collecting themselves into a collage.

_Flashes of a white bed settled into a whitewashed room. A woman lies sleeping with flowers surrounding her, disguising the bed with lilacs and peonies. The monitors beep steadily in rhythm with her breathing as the sunlight beams down onto her through the thin curtains._

_The door remains open behind him as he enters with a bouquet adding to the flower shop she could open once she is released. He walks up to the sleeping woman, her hair sprayed out behind her head giving color to the plain pillow case. Placing the flowers in a vase beside the others, he sits down next to the bed and watches her sleep. He wipes her hair away from her face glancing occasionally at the monitors hooked up to her._

_He hopes she wakes up soon._

_//_

_A portrait of a woman is displayed in the center of the room surrounded by incense a_ _nd more flowers. He’s starting to get sick of them._ _The sounds of crying and sniffles fills the room, but he can’t hear any of it. He feels like he's living in a dreamlike state. He keeps staring at the portrait in front of him wondering if he’ll ever wake up._

His eyes flash open to his sweat-coated sleeve and a racing heart running laps in his chest. He breathes in time with the monitors still beeping in his ears hoping to calm down before someone notices. A flash of worry sparks on his wrist. Too late. He tugs the sleeve up, glaring at it and hopes it’ll stop. The mark only continues to send her worries to him, so he harshly tugs his sleeve down and flops back onto the bench.

He doesn’t want to deal with this now.

He doesn’t want to deal with this period.

* * *

The calendar with the date circled in red sits on the kitchen wall apathetically as Kaoru contemplates either leaving it there or tearing it down. The dates and rows of weeks blur together as his eyes stay in one spot for minutes on end. Anzu finds him as such when she enters—his posture slack, but his shoulders are pushed down more than usual by an invisible weight that won’t go away. She approaches him carefully from behind, afraid that the slightest wrong movement would cause him to retreat into his shell again.

“Kaoru-san.”

He ‘hmm’’s in affirmative without turning around. She walks up again, this time right next to him, and waits. Waits for him to come to her.

“Today would’ve been her birthday.” He starts keeping his voice steady still looking straight into the calendar—his hand carefully placed onto the calendar, using it as an anchor. His eyes burn red from the effort. It has only been two years but with each passing day it feels like yesterday. He acts like he doesn’t notice the changes at home but he does. His father working later hours than usual so Kaoru can come home to an empty house. His brother doesn’t talk to him anymore—he can’t tell if that was because of her death or not. His sister keeps their mother’s room locked with the key chained to her breast. Whenever he catches her looking at it, her eyes mist over and with a blink and a turn, they go back to their usual shine.

Anzu stays standing next to him, waiting for him to continue. She rubs her wrist in comfort hoping he picks up on it. His hand on the calendar falters a little, the other by his side clenches into a fist—his nails digging into his palm. He grits his jaw locked tight, but it doesn’t stop the tears from building up in his eyes. He squeezes them shut, crushing the tears beneath his lashes. He presses his head against the wall, crumpling the calendar—the red circle creases against his palm.

He breathes out slowly and cautiously opens his eyes.

“I miss her.”

His voice cracks under the words as they leave his lips—the bottom one wobbles under their weight. He swallows the crack down but it leaks from the pressure and tears start flowing down from the seams. He makes no move to stop them, at least for the moment. In that moment, he cries for his weary father whose strong figure deflates at the sight of peonies, his mother’s favorite flower. He cries for his headstrong brother who buried his smile the day the gravediggers placed their mother in the ground. He cries for his sister and the dimness that clouds over her once shining eyes whenever she thinks no one is looking.

He cries for the mother that should be sitting in her favorite chair by the fireplace reading a book instead of lying in an overpriced box six feet under a gray concrete slab.

Kaoru feels a warm hand on his shoulder and an equal warmth on his wrist. It blankets over him and tells him it’s going to be all right. He turns towards Anzu and slumps into her arms, nuzzling his head on her shoulder, and wails.

_**epilogue** _

Kaoru holds a bouquet of lilies wrapped in clear, cling wrap in one hand and guides Anzu, holding the bucket full of water, with the other. They arrive at their destination with little fanfare, each keeping to themselves in a comfortable silence. Kaoru stops in front of the grave, grip tightening on Anzu’s hand but leaving the flowers in tact. He sighs deeply and kneels down. She kneels with him, placing the bucket down in front of her. With the flowers by his side, he grabs the bucket and starts cleaning. He pours the water down from the top and takes out an old handkerchief from his pocket.

He cleans the grave in silence with only Anzu sitting next to him watching him stroke every line stroke that makes up _Hakaze_. It takes only a fraction of the time they had presumed they had been there for him to finish but that can be chalked up to the setting. He places the flowers into the vase and lights the incense.

“Hey, mom.”

He breaks the silence first.

“I’ve been doing great. Anzu-chan here’s been taking good care of me.” He winks at Anzu who looks unamused. He chuckles nervously, sobering up fast.

“I miss you, mom. Some days are easier than others but there are days where it’s hard to not think of you.” He squeezes Anzu’s hand as he continues. “I’m very grateful that Anzu-chan’s been with me to get through it. I’m a lucky guy.”

Anzu coughs into her hand in embarrassment. He chuckles again and turns away from his mother’s grave. He gestures for her to start walking ahead and turns his head back, getting one last look before leaving. He says goodbye to his mother, for loving him and their family and wishes for a peaceful afterlife. The grave stares back, the flowers swaying in the wind as if returning the sentiment.

A woman sits on the grave slab wearing a sundress with a sunhat blocking her face. A light breeze passes through jostling her hat slightly. She watches the young couple leave behind the tombstone they were visiting with a special eye on the young man. She gives a small, proud smile as she sees how much her little boy has grown. A ping of regret courses through her but she’s happy she is able to witness this much. She keeps watching them until they’re out of sight before disappearing with the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/stepping_stein)


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